Am I a bad Mother?

I know, he's cute isn't he? So why, I ask myself... Why won't he just listen, why won't he just do what his teachers and I ask of him?

He's having discipline problems in school. His teacher says in higher grades, the offences would be grounds for suspension. His daycare says he won't listen to simple commands and replies with "I can't do it" when we all know he very well can... I can't bring him to work because he takes too much of the time away from the other keeps because he needs so much attention.

Now I ask myself, what I'm sure every mother asks herself at one point... "what did I do wrong"... I feel myself starting to cry over ruining his school experiences because maybe i wasn't disciplined enough, maybe i let him wrestle too much, maybe i let him play video games that fostered the want to build Lego "guns" ...

I do my best, and when I don't get up right away in the morning to fix him a healthy breakfast, I feel guilty. When I just throw in some bear paws cookies for a snack instead of fruit like all the other kids... Why won't my kid eat fruit? why wont my kid eat vegetables? or sandwiches that don't contain Cheezewhiz...

I stare in amazement at all the other kids who can write their name, hold a pencil correctly, listen to people the first time they are asked, not the third... Am I disappointed in Elden for not being able to do these things? Not in the slightest little teeny tiny bit, no. I blame myself for not pushing harder. For not explaining correctly, for not teaching him! My son is an amazing little boy. He can draw a spaceship and write the number 1 and 4... he can draw circles and give any kid a run for their money on any Xbox game I'm sure... but right now, I'm upset because he wont be able to attend a Christmas function because his behaviour is out of control, and its my fault his missing out because I'm a softy. I love my boy and I let him get away with more than i should. I'm sorry that I'm addicted to your smile, and when you tell me I'm the best mommy ever for letting you crawl into bed with me. I'm sorry that I let you go until I reached the elusive number "3" when you were disobeying... But I wouldn't trade you or your mischievous self for anything in the world Elden. I love you Chickaboo and screw the rest. We'll show em baby.

Well, I've been wrapped up in Christmas cheer lately... (ha ha) making cards, cookies and all that random stuff! well...

I have been stalking http://www.timholtz.typepad.com/... I LOVE what he brings to the table, I was obsessed with his distress inks, now I know ill be obsessed with this new Grunge board... If you havent checked out his blog yet, I'm sure its a keeper, and hes doing a "12 tags of Christmas" run, with techniques and prizes, fun for all!

Elden is at daycare right now, so Its cookie day here at my house... making MANY cookies for my girls at Buns tomorow... I hope they like chocolate dipped ginger snaps... sooo yummy, and spicy and smelling like Christmas!

If i actually get the chance, ill take pictures of all these cards ive made... having fun, but totally realized AFTER that my pictures this year are NOT landscape, they are portrait... and i made the cards landscape... meaning, the pictures are up and down and the cards are left to right... Martha would not be happy... but who knows! maaaaaaaaybe ill just redo them? sure! ah well...

happy holidays all you politically correct people!
Merry Christmas to the rest ;)

-Lisa

New Header

Eh... i got bored of the old header and my old photo.... so there is me a la Halloween :) Any excuse to dress up, I always say....

So today I am organizing my scrapbooking stuff.... I have a lot of shit man! I really need to print out some more pictures, I got bored of the old ones, and ever since getting my new camera, I love the new ones better....

I like to organize... but i don't really do it ever, cause it reminds me of cleaning, which i do NOT like doing... however if i buy say.... smarties or gummy bears, I'll compulsively put them in their own little colour groups... not that I'm a gummy bear Nazi or anything, they just look pretty when they are all colour co-ordinated... and it makes it easier to give the green and yellow ones away...

Well I hope that i will remember to update this a little more...

Right now, Elden is having a few problems in school... he likes to be the center of attention. Dan and I heard a term that i forget now, but it was reminiscent of "god complex" where he thinks everything should be about him, all the time. I am very much to blame for this I'm sure. I baby him, he's my boy, my first born... and for 4 years all we had was each other... I depended on him for comfort and love and cuddles, and its so hard to give that up, hes in school, i cant just hug him when i want! But I'm working on it! Dan hates that I let him crawl into bed with me to cuddle...

I'm so proud of the accomplishments hes made, getting into routines and going to daycare. He's even slowly overcoming his fear of the dark!

Dan is still in the United States... Immigration has been put on hold so we can get custody of Kaitlin. We'd need to redo all the papers anyways if we sent them out without having custody of her... I miss them both when I'm not with them :( Kaitlin is so smart and beautiful and I just want the best for her, and I know that's here in Canada with us... So I will sacrifice a few months of the Immigration process to have the best for our girl. I know in the end when we are all together ill be thankful I waited for her.

until next time....