Glitter is my crack give away

This blog is amazing and she makes wonderful jewlery <3
she is having a great give away and of course im trying to win, so go visit her beauty blog!

http://themoonmaiden-blix.blogspot.com/2011/07/morgana-cryptoria-makeup-and-moon.html#more

-Lisa

Christmas Cheer, I lack thee...

9pm. Here I sit, in the same mood I have been all day. Morose, depressed, lonely.

I love Christmas, really I do... when i get to participate in it that is. This year I sit, as i have perhaps for the last two or three years. Alone. looking at a screen. Not participating in family closeness or cheer, not in loving embrace under any mistletoe nor telling stories of Christmas's' past.

I drive by all the pretty lights, not taking any joy in their twinkling glow because I envy the family that celebrates in such an open way as I used to. I. Am. Alone.

I partake in some spiked coffee and drag off my cheery joyful nicotine. And i lament.
Normally this feeling is quelled by a Christmas get together with family after the fact of the actual day. But this year we convene at McD's, wretched bastardization of what I look forward to ever year. I will sit, and smile and die inside as the only Christmas tradition i have any longer is pissed away under the golden arches.

I tried to not care. Honestly i did. Normally my Christmas was getting together with my (now ex) husbands family. I would help with dinner, bake something, give gifts, feel whole. That of course left with the marriage. No one wants to spend Christmas with me.
My son spends it with his father, fortunately not knowing my solitary depressing night lacking decoration or Santa's. They also have the large family gatherings i used to know.
Perhaps I am astrologically prone to depression without celebration around this time of year, cancer... home body... motherly.

I did what i could, i crafted a Christmas tree for my boyfriends apartment out of coke cans, I'm sure he thought it was a joking, funny stab at Christmas, when it was in reality a desperate plea to celebrate some type of Christmas cheer with someone i love.
I understand 3 months does not denote a family Christmas in a relationship, by no fault of his own am i heartbroken we are apart tonight. I posses a selfish wish I had been invited to share in his family Christmas, like a junkie perhaps begging for a hit of momentary happiness. Alas I detox alone on the couch with my TV, avoiding all Christmas movies like the plague as not to be that lonely 30 year old without a family to celebrate with, crying and watching fictional festive cheer I wish i could posses like some unreachable fairytale.

And so I sit. Alone. and so it shall forever be, the loneliest night this year.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Welcome to Dec. 2009

Haha im at school right now, and figured id post, sitting with Dave, Paige and Chris! didn't even remember I had a blog!

Tims doing the tags again, Im still working for buns plus a crafting class... 3rd semester of highschool (even though I graduated last June ;) ) just signed up for Media, DRAMA and comm tech. should be a fun semester!

Elden is growing like a weed, including his little brain, which can now read, write and talk back to mommy!

Have met a bunch of awsome people this year and made some friends I hope to keep for life. Dave, Nick, Maura, Paige, Maxim, Chris, Sean, James (yeah shut yup the lot of you, he's still important to me) Tammy, Mike... there are so many! and a bunch of cool people who just make school so damn fun, i never wanna leave, but ill eventually have to start my life... still debating on an art career or teaching, give me your thoughts if you have any!

cya m'loves and don't forget to smile!
-L

Haven't Been Here in Awhile...

Hmm I haven't posted here in a really long time...

Things that happened since my last post?

1. Divorced
2. Graduating high school
3. Seeing a really great guy.
4. Happy
5. Broke

Recent creative outlets? Making random cute things for really great guy. Photography and sketching stuff at random on random things...

Elden's doing OK too... still have behavioral issues but we're working on them.

Merry Christmas all :)

Week Recap

This week was pretty big, I started School! First time in 13 years that I've been in a classroom. Really not as bad as I thought it would be, seeing as most of the students are almost my age. I'm taking college level english. So If my writing becomes any better, you know why! I'm also taking communications & game design and Art.

So my subsidy is safe. We're both going to school. Life is good!

Someone told me at work, good things come in threes, So im thinking I got all the classes I wanted (one) I got a call for a job I really wanted, but just couldnt take (2) and I won a prize on Nic Howards blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (3) !!!! http://nichoward.blogspot.com/ woo hoo! I love her stuff...

So hopefully this weekend im gonna get some scrapping done... I'm told that I have to actually upload some layouts so people know what I do... HeeHee!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Obsessed!!!!

We have a new member of our family now! His name is Sammy and he's Eldens new webkinz pet! isn't it cuuuuuuute? Its soft and cuddly and he brought it in today for show and tell. It was "S" day, so we put some spiderman socks on Sammy for extra "s" ness and off they went! I absolutely adore this website, there is NO violence... no worries that hes gonna click on some link to go somewhere weird... it had trivia and math and memory games! Even I love to play it! we're in the process of making Sammy his house and im logging on every day to make Sammy the kinz cash to support my dicekinz habit... He was brought to us by way of gift from my Aunt Molly. so THANKS AUNT MOLLY! we love it so much!

So today Elden had a great day at school, there was nothing in his book that said he hurt anyone, he listened... PHEW great news! We are all very proud of him for pulling it together today, the last few days were a trial :)

more good new, i got some child support today YAY! Its all going to the bank until SOMEONE calls me back for a job! Ive applied everywhere I can think of that i can actually do! Bakeries, craft stores, scrap stores... If anyone has any leads on places looking for people dont be afraid to tell me! I have been looking for awhile and I only have a month until my subsidy runs out... gah?

TGIF m'loves!

-Lisa

todaaaaaaaaay

Well, today was frustrating and then not so frustrating...

Good news is Dads money problems may be solved with a screw up from the government, yay!

Bad news, Ontario child support has no arrears when the father had no fucking job! thats right folks, if your baby's daddy decides he'd rather be on welfare then have a job, he doesnt have to pay you support! In my case, I have been keeping track of when he pays and when he doesnt with a calender. Its been about a year since ive seen a dime...

Much to my surprise, our court order states he has to pay me 120$ a month, which hey, you know what? that is NOTHING compared to most people... that buys him his lunches for a week... but i still dont get that, because since 1997, they made the law state that if dad doesnt have a job, he doesnt have to pay and it doesnt build up... WTF? so he gets to be daddy, loving caring daddy and I get to support our child FULLY.

Now that being said, I would never forbid his from seeing his father, hes a good guy other than the no working part and not calling when hes gonna be late or not show up part. I also wouldnt wanna involve FRO because that would screw him up even more and put a wedge between our amicable relationship... So whats a girl to do? if you havent guessed, *I* have to get a job that supports our family with no help from the government. I also have to have a job so I can keep my child care subsidy, the only help I can have...

Now, this week I have a job interview at a local store that I would L-O-V-E to work at, because I need to make at least 20 hours a week to keep Eldens subsidy. So keep your fingers crossed for me! I would just be so happy If i got this job! Thanks for listening to my rant :)

I didn't know people actually read this, but now im informed a few family members read it and a few not. Hopefully at some point I'll upload some of my artwork, scrapping stuff... cards ect. for you all to enjoy... until then I'll leave you with this supercute picture of my kids... this picture just shows how much Elden adores his big sister, he idolizes that girl!